
The soloist’s silky voice hit the high note of the chorus with such power that the words of praise could’ve been stamped permanently onto my heart. Except she had fallen behind the beat of the music, and it distracted me. I tried to not think about it, tried to focus on the message of the song, but my head rocked forward slightly with each beat, willing her voice to catch up.
“Wow, that was an amazing song,” my husband remarked after the performance.
“Yeah, but she couldn’t keep a beat,” I criticized dismissively.
**
“Did you read so-and-so’s latest article online? He made so many valid points that are worth considering, especially in light of—”
“I couldn’t take his writing seriously, I mean, c’mon, he used the wrong form of there, and I counted four other misspelled words! Does he not proofread before he publishes?”
**
“Pastor’s message was so powerful yesterday. I can’t stop thinking about it. Did you find it convicting, too?”
“Yeah, but I kind of tuned out after he opened with the same joke he made last week. Seriously, if he wants to make us laugh, he needs to get some fresh material,” I reply, rolling my eyes.
**
Perfectionism is Often Tied to a Critical Spirit
Confession: I am guilty of making criticisms similar to those above. Are you?
Do you ever walk away from a movie, finish a meal, or close a book and think with disdain, “Well, I don’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.”
If so, you may have a critical spirit, which may explain why you never feel happy or satisfied, why nothing seems to meet your expectations – whether it be your church, your restaurant meal, or your significant other.
Friend, I share this burden with you. I feel you. It has taken many years for the Lord to open my eyes to my critical nature, my habit of homing in on the negative. There are days even now when I can trace a feeling of annoyance back to a minor flaw in something I read, heard, or witnessed.
Being a perfectionist makes us unduly impatient for the excellence of heaven—the glory for which we were originally designed. While we may consider ourselves as merely discerning or just pointing out the obvious, our continual belittlement of the efforts of the people around us can blind us to the beauty and grace God provides daily—even in a fallen world.
Habitual Unhappiness Gives the Enemy a Foothold
A critical spirit is something that, like most sins, is a twisted version of something good. It’s a good thing to be detail-oriented, discerning, and observant. It’s important to acknowledge real failings that reveal our need for a Savior. Rather than receiving the grace of God given to us in Jesus, however, and bestowing that grace on others, it’s easy to get stuck on the imperfections we see around us.
Allowing our hypercritical eye to focus only on specks (see Matthew 7:3-4) opens the door wide for the enemy to steal our joy—specks, flaws, and errors will become ALL we see. It makes us unenjoyable company, and difficult to be around. Who wants to spend time with someone who only notices everyone’s faults?
Most importantly, this negative spirit drives us far away from Christ-likeness, which is just where our enemy would prefer us to be.
As a fellow critic, I understand that the flagellation begins with myself. I will NEVER reach the high standards and expectations to which I first hold myself. The enemy can take our fixation on self and turn it outward in an ugly manifestation of our inner workings, causing harsh appraisal of even those we love. This is not of God.

Acknowledge the Heart Behind the Habit
The Biblical Counseling Coalition says that many factors contribute to a critical spirit, three of which can be self-focus, fear, and control.
1. The Self Factor: This includes jealousy or envy, vengeance, anger, hatred, and holding grudges for the purpose of personal gain by destroying the other person.
2. The Fear Factor: This involves feeling threatened by someone or feeling anxious toward someone, which produces a critical spirit as a way of self-protection.
3. The Control Factor: Feeling out of control and using manipulation and shame to gain power. 1
When we are critical of others, we put ourselves in an authoritative position over them. This isolates a critical person from fellowship with others. People tend to separate themselves from harsh and critical authority. 2
A critical spirit goes deeper than tiny distractions, and not only does it drag others down, but it is a heavy burden for us to carry. These threads of self-protection, fear, and control form a cord of three strands that leave us bound in habitual unhappiness.
Are you tired of feeling like this pattern dominates every interaction? The first step to breaking free of the tendency to criticize is to confess the fears that motivate it. Take these fears to the Lord and cry out for His help. That may sound cliché, but I’ll provide an exercise below that can help.
Remember what God has done to set you free from the chains of sin, whatever your sin-bent may be. For some people it’s materialism; for some, food. For others, sexual temptation. For us, it’s a hypercritical eye and an opinion to go with it, typically motivated by fear. With all that junk in the way, we could never stand before a holy God on our own.
Thankfully, He loves you and me in all our imperfections, even in our critical habits. Because He loves us, He doesn’t want us to stay there, separated from Him by our sin. So he pours out His grace like chocolate syrup on an ice cream sundae. Like a rain shower on a dry and thirsty cornfield. Like manna in the wilderness.
When we remember and receive the grace that came at no little cost, our souls are refreshed in the knowledge that we are loved and forgiven. That changes us.
John Piper says, “Remember what you’ve been saved from. Forgiving as you have been forgiven carries an implication. And the implication is this: being ready to treat people way better than they deserve, because we have been treated so much better than we deserve. And it cost Christ his life for God to treat us that way.” 3
1 Peter 2:1-3 puts it this way: “Get rid of all evil behavior. Be done with all deceit, hypocrisy, jealousy, and all unkind speech. Like newborn babies, you must crave pure spiritual milk so that you will grow into a full experience of salvation. Cry out for this nourishment, now that you have had a taste of the Lord’s kindness.”

The Antidote to a Critical Spirit: Putting Off and Putting On
You may wonder, “Is it possible to stop myself from being so critical?”
It may be a continual battle, like it is for me, but awareness of it is key. I know that I must ask God to give me that awareness because my heart is deceptive (Jeremiah 17:9) and can blind me to the complaints that flow from my mouth reflexively.
A practice I have developed is to confess this tendency, asking the Holy Spirit to open my eyes. I often write it out like this:
Lord, I am sorry that I am….
Critical
Negative
Nit-picky
Selfish
Afraid
Insecure
And then I turn my eyes to Christ and the attributes that He not only displays in His character but desires for me to imitate.
Lord, I am grateful that You are….
Gracious (2 Corinthians 12:9)
Encouraging (Isaiah 40:28-31)
Merciful (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Selfless (Philippians 2:5-8)
My source of courage (Joshua 1:9)
My confidence (2 Corinthians 3:4-6)
Resting in these truths helps me put off the sins of jealousy, unkind speech, anger, slander, and bitterness—the manifestations of my own insecurities and weaknesses—and put on kindness, grace, and words that build up instead of tear down (Ephesians 4:29, 31-32).
As we steep ourselves in God's word, we learn that we can entrust our fears to him. He fills our cup with grace overflowing so that it may spill into the lives of the people around us. Drink deeply of this never-ending grace, my friend.
Look to the world, you’ll be distressed.
Look inside, you’ll be depressed.
Look to God, you’ll be at rest.
– Corrie Ten Boom
Thank you for the great article. Sadly, you nailed me. I find my criticism strangely addictive and comforting. God have mercy!