3 (More) Books that Point the Perfectionist to God’s Perfect Grace

Perfectionists are gonna perfect.

Like me, do you find yourself gravitating toward books, articles, and podcasts to help make things better? Maybe it's time again to read about how to stop our relentless striving and rest in God's perfect grace.

While the first three books for perfectionists I shared with you were helpful and hope-filled, I have discovered three more that I highly recommend. Like those first three, each one of these contains wisdom from God's word—the only true source of hope and healing.

Perfected: Trading Shame and Striving for Wholeness in Christ by Bethany Broderick

Bethany introduces her book with the question that lies deep in the heart of every perfectionist: “Am I good enough?” She maintains that we can exchange our striving, our insecurity, and our shame for wholeness found only in Christ.

In Part 1: The Lies, Bethany addresses the lies that propel the perfectionist into legalistic thinking. Her first two chapters, “Law over Love” and “DIY Religion,” describe how she wrestled with legalism as she tried desperately to live as an obedient, check-all-the-boxes Christian girl—while also trying to remain humble in a world consumed with a fixer-upper mentality and endless self-promotion.

She ends the second chapter with a powerful illustration of the gospel to point out how we perfectionists tend to miss half of it: we accept that we are broken, but we forget that we can live according to the perfection of Christ in us.

Part 2: The Truth outlines three important views to help bring hope to the perfectionist:

• A right view of God: We find it through his attributes found in Scripture and his Son, Jesus Christ.

• A right view of ourselves: we are created in God’s image, yet created with limits.

• A right view of salvation: we are being made perfect through his sacrifice, for the past, present, and future.

  
  

Part 3: The Promise covers the peace we can have in the assurance of our faith, the enduring hope God provides even in the midst of trials, the good works we can do that flow from our love for him, and the blessing of biblical community. All of these are gifts that naturally progress from our salvation. She concludes the book by answering the question, “Am I good enough?” with “I am perfected in Christ.”

At the end of each chapter, there is a section containing a truth to remember, questions for reflection, and suggested Scriptures to read. Part memoir, part recovery manual, this is a well-written, hope-filled book that will speak to anyone who wonders, too, if they are “good enough.”

“I feel pressure to imitate Christian influencers, writers, and celebrities (even godly ones). I share their posts, use their journals, and buy their beautiful art prints with curated verses, hoping to attain the ideal Christian life. A life where I do not struggle with a hot temper or gnawing doubts. One where I never miss a day of a Bible reading plan. While many of these resources are beneficial to my spiritual growth, I’m tempted to wrongly believe that if I can fill my life with enough of the right tools, I could manufacture the same Christian life I see portrayed on social media. If I just set goals and work hard, I will feel whole. I will be a

“good Christian woman.”

-page 36

Control Girl: Lessons on Surrendering Your Burden of Control from Seven Women in the Bible by Shannon Popkin

This book packs a powerful punch for the perfectionist, because control and perfectionism are sinister sisters who walk hand in (clenched) hand. I first read it in 2017, right after it was published, and discovered that control has been an issue for women since the beginning of time!

Chapter one introduces the concept of a “control girl,” which Shannon defines as someone who “feels responsible for making everything turn out right.” That describes me for sure. How about you?

In chapters two through eight, Shannon teaches through the lives of seven women from the Bible who also struggled with control: Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Rebekah, Leah, Rachel, and Miriam. Through the stories of these women, she helps the reader discover where she might be controlling things that aren’t hers to control: in her own relationships, regarding past hurts, or during current trials. She also identifies areas of our lives where we may be allowing other things to control us in ungodly ways; for example, fear or comparison.

Each chapter is easy to read and directly relates to situations in our everyday lives; you’ll find in every chapter three to five lessons that point to the God who is sovereign and trustworthy, someone to whom we can relinquish control. There are also reflection points and Scripture verses for meditation, which can easily be incorporated into a daily time of study.

Shannon concludes the book with a chapter titled “Control Girl to Jesus Girl,” which outlines four action steps to take as we rely on the Holy Spirit to help us overcome our controlling habits. This is a great read, and I highly recommend it!

“I don’t mean to be exasperating. I’m actually trying to make everything turn out right. I only control because I care so much. The more invested I am, the more I clamp down on either the person I love or some outcome I can’t live without. The things I’m trying to control in the moment are almost always linked to the Happy Ending I’ve got all worked out in my head … Here’s what I’m coming to realize: the Happy Ending in my head is an illusion.”

-page 13

The Imperfect Disciple: Grace for People Who Can’t Get Their Act Together by Jared C. Wilson

Jared Wilson is one of my favorite writers. He has a sharp, witty style infused with humility and truth; as soon as I saw the title, I knew I had to read this book.

I don’t know that I’d say this book was written with perfectionists in mind; after all, we like to think we have our act together. But maybe that’s just what we hope to portray to the watching world?

When you and I, my perfectionist friend, find ourselves in those rare honest moments of, “I am striving SO HARD yet I will never be what I want to be,” in our spiritual walk, that’s when we need to open this book. When we’ve followed all the rules, checked every box, done every church-y thing, and still feel unfulfilled, like something’s missing, it’s time to read this book.

Jared turns decades of discipleship definitions on their heads and reveals what it can truly look like for gritty, authentic, sinful people to walk with, grow in, and love Jesus.

Trust me, this is a fun read. It may cause a little discomfort because it will sound and feel familiar in ways we may not want it to, but it will fill your soul with fresh hope.

I could go on and on, but instead I'll just share the chapter subtitles to let you know what you’re in for:

• When you can’t get your act together

• When you don’t see the advantage of being at the bottom

• When you struggle to believe beholding is better than behaving

• When you think God is giving you the silent treatment

• When you realize you’re the one giving the silent treatment

• When you think church would be better without all the people

• When you feel stuck

• When you’re not happy with the person in the mirror

• When you wonder if it could get any worse

• When you look forward to the end

  
  

Every chapter title and subheading will immediately draw you in; the first sentence of each chapter will keep you reading.  

Jared gives a fresh take on every foundational paving stone of the Christian walk: The Gospel. Grace. Worship. Community. Identity in Christ. What he calls “Followship.” All of this is written in engaging prose, rock-solid and relatable. I’ll conclude with one of my favorite quotes:

"Every day, I wake up into Romans 7. Every dadgum day. My alarm goes off and I sit up in bed, my uncoffeed consciousness groggily gearing up for sins—both of omission and of commission. I'm engaged in the flesh before I even get my feet on the carpet. And yet, right beside me, laid out like the day's outfit for school, are new mercies. Romans 8 lies right there, spooning Romans 7 in a full-size bed, no wiggle room."

-page 25

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