“Fill in the blank,” said my sister, in a recent phone conversation. “I’m happiest when I am _____.”
It was a light-hearted question, asked with curiosity. She explained that she had been talking with her adult son recently, who had casually commented to her that he felt happiest when he was learning something new. This had made her contemplate when she felt happiest; her answer was, “I am happiest when I am being productive.”
I had to think about it, and for some reason I found myself going deep. I told her I’d get back to her, and pondered the question as I continued my walk down the country road.
I am most happy when I am . . .
Well, the Sunday School answer I felt I should give was, “when I am in God’s Word.” And this would not be a lie. I enjoy reading the Bible and learning more about God. I find both peace and conviction in those pages. But I knew it wasn’t deep-down, gut-level honest.
The answers that came from that deep place were many:
When I am alone (unless I am with someone who is giving me a compliment.)
When I am not responsible for anyone else.
When nothing is expected of me.
When I am reading a good book while shoveling popcorn in my mouth.
When there is no nagging conflict whatsoever in the back of my mind.
Though I shouldn’t have been surprised, I was convicted when I recognized that my definition of happiness was very self-centered.
Was this God’s definition of happiness? Is this what Jesus suffered and died on the cross for? So I could happily stuff my face with snacks all by myself while escaping into a novel?
I may have been overthinking this. I called my sister back.
“Define happiness,” I said.
She paused, reordering her words. “I guess I would say . . . when you are enjoying life the most. ‘I am enjoying life the most when I am ______.’”
“Okay then,” I replied. “When I am curled up with a well-written book, preferably with a snack.”
We laughed. She probably could’ve come up with my answer on her own, she knows me so well.
It’s true, happiness can easily be found in superficial things, like purchasing a new pair of shoes, going to a concert, watching a favorite show, even in our favorite snack or beverage. Music, nature, friends, and family can bring those warm fuzzy feelings, too. But happiness can also be selfish.
As I examined my self-centered “happy” experiences, I felt led to confess to the Lord my primal desire to find happiness in satisfying myself before all else.
This thought process quickly drew me to the glaring similarity between myself and my ancestor Eve in the garden of Eden. She just wanted what she wanted, for herself. No matter what God said. As she held that lovely but forbidden fruit in her hand, she made a split-second decision, the effects of which would pass all the way down to a middle-aged woman living in the 21st century who just wants to have her popcorn and read. Alone.
That desire for self to be on the throne, rather than to worship the One who sits there already, is the root of all our sin. It’s how the serpent was able to convince Eve to sink her teeth into that delicious fruit. “You will be like God,” he told her. Isn’t there a little part of us all that wants that?
In the Bible, the word happy is often expressed by the word blessed. From reading the verses connected to this term, I find many descriptions of happiness. For example, Jesus says in Luke 11:28, “Happy are those who hear the word of God and observe it.” Between three psalms and two proverbs, I notice that happiness is directly related to seeking, observing, and keeping the law (Psalm 1:1-2, Psalm 106:3, Psalm 119:2, Proverbs 8:32, Proverbs 29:18).
New Testament verses also apply happiness to observing and doing “these things” — things both written in the law and modeled by Jesus. (Luke 11:28, John 13:17, and James 1:25) For example, in John 13, Jesus explains to his disciples that if he, their Teacher and Master, can wash their feet, so they too ought to wash one another’s feet. “If you know these things,” he says, “you are blessed (happy) if you do them.”
In Scripture it seems apparent that happiness (or blessing) is brought about by obedience to God’s laws; Jesus tells us that all of God’s laws are summed up in the directive to love Him and love others. But we all know how hard it can be to obey, no matter how much we “delight in the law of the Lord.”
And here's where it all came together for me: THIS is why Jesus gave Himself up for us. He knew we couldn’t obey in our own strength, that we would constantly wrestle between pleasing self and pleasing Him. He knew that our sin, wrapped up in self-indulgence, self-centeredness, in SELF, period, was what stood between us and a holy God. His grace bridges that gap for us.
Just typing those words makes my shoulders relax with relief.
Jesus died and rose again so that as I confess my selfish desires, my temporal definition of happiness, my struggle with being obedient, I can know with complete assurance that I am forgiven. And that makes me truly happy.
So here’s my real answer, sis: I am happiest when I . . . know that I am forgiven.
