I sat at the table and watched the early morning sun creep up the sky under a magenta halo.
Though I was desperate to draw near to God and knew I needed to pray, total helplessness sucked away any words of my own.
One of my children was on my heart, and the burden was heavy.
If you are a parent, you have probably been here before, no matter the age of your child.
I opened my Bible to the Psalms and began to copy them into my journal. I did not know what else to do, but I believed with all my heart that God’s words held power. That they never return void (Isaiah 55:10-11).
And so I prayed them back to Him.
Prayer can sometimes feel like a walk with a friend on a sunny, warm day, along a path in a garden, with a small breeze and gentle conversation.
But sometimes it’s more like sitting with that friend in a dark room, rain beating at the windows while you weep with heartache.
I believe this is the kind of conversational relationship we can have with our God. Does it sound a little too casual, a little too messy, to you?
What do you do when you don’t have the words to pray?
Though Jesus’ model of prayer in Matthew 6:9-13 outlines the basics of prayer for us, it may still leave us feeling afraid we won’t say the right words in the right context or at the right time.
Romans 8:26 (ESV) says, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.” This is a familiar, comforting verse to me, perhaps to you too. Have you read the next verse? It says, “And He who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God” (Romans 8:27 ESV).
God’s word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12) and when our prayers are combined with the power of the Holy Spirit, we can be assured that God hears, knows, and understands.
Prayer does not have to be rigid, formulaic, or ritualistic. We do not have to have everything “cleaned up” to come to God in prayer. Because Christ, through His death and resurrection, reconciled an unholy people to a holy God, we can approach the throne of grace with confidence (Hebrews 4:16). It is a safe, gracious space where we can vent our anger, confess our shortcomings, cry out in anguish, and find true peace.
The Psalms show us another side of prayer; in them, we read words of lament, fear, and praise. Like King David and the other writers of the Psalms, we can enjoy a passionate, ongoing conversation with God. We can share our concerns and our joys with Him anytime, anywhere (Jeremiah 29:12 NIV). In a moment of conviction, we can confess, ask for forgiveness, and be forgiven immediately (1 John 1:8-9).
Taking any Scripture and praying it back to God is a wonderful way to draw near to the Living Word when we just don’t know how to pray. By inserting a loved one’s name or turning God’s pronouns from He and His to You and Your, you can turn Scripture into a personalized prayer for yourself or a loved one.
So, in the glow of the sunrise that was the opposite of my feelings, I approached the Lord through His word. I copied Psalm 139 into my journal but inserted my child’s name in place of “I, me, my.”
The words reminded me that God knew my baby long ago—before I even knew I was pregnant. This child could never get too far from His merciful, steadfast hand. And no matter how hard the darkness tried to hide this child, they couldn’t hide from the Lord. I appealed to our powerful God despite my powerless position, and made a personal plea for rescue, for hope, for this one.
In God’s unfailing word, my feet (and my heart) found a solid place to stand amidst the fog that so many parents have muddled through. I didn’t know when or if I would ever see the fruit of my prayers—but prayer is not about getting the answers I want. It’s about drawing near to the God I love.
And He is trustworthy.
By the grace of this hearing God the clouds over my heart began to lift, and I embraced the warmth of the sun now high in the bright blue sky.
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