How to Find Your Happy Ending When Life Doesn’t Follow Your Script

Have you ever found yourself enduring a day where everything that can go wrong, does? When you woke up with a neatly written script in hand, only to realize throughout the day that no one else was following it? Did you find yourself having to adjust, change a line or two, or omit a character or even an entire scene?

Does your life ever look this way?

Setting the Stage

The summer after I completed the fourth grade, I wrote the script for a play for my siblings, some neighbor kids, and a couple of cousins to put on for our parents. My dad made Xerox copies for each actor and built a stage in the garage—complete with pull-cord curtains created from old drapes by my mom. We had costumes and makeup, even bags of popcorn to sell for a quarter.

Admittedly, it was not all that great. In fact, the plot was (not so) loosely based on the movie “Parent Trap” (think Hayley Mills, not Lindsay Lohan). But I painstakingly wrote out every line of dialogue for each character, every scene description, every movement, action, and expression.

Oh, how I loved being the playwright, the producer, and the director—such control! Such authority! Everything went as planned; we bowed at the end to supportive, if not thunderous, applause from our audience of five (one of which may have been a dog).

Though I never did write another play after that summer, as I grew into adulthood and observed the world around me, I unknowingly began formulating a script for my life. Certain things were included for sure: college, a career or at least a job of some kind, a husband, children. There was no physical list, no Xerox copies made. I may never have even put it into words.

By God’s grace, He granted me much of what He knew my heart desired. I graduated from college, married my boyfriend, and became a stay-at-home mom to four beautiful children.

Enter Conflict

But several less-than-ideal circumstances occurred through the years that weren’t on my radar, let alone mentally written into my script.

A daughter born with special needs.

A miscarriage two years later.

The loss of my dad to cancer when he was just 61.

My own cancer diagnosis five years later.

These were definitely not part of “the script.” Often, we don’t even recognize we have a script until someone or something doesn’t adhere to it.

Like an actor who improvises instead of following his carefully crafted lines, certain events will take place that are out of our control. Jesus guaranteed this when He said, “In this world you will have trouble” (John 16:33).

Though in our minds we picture everything as it should look, perfect and in order, preferably pain-free, real life shows us time and time again that there is no guarantee things will turn out that way.

It’s like how I envisioned making Christmas cookies with my kids when they were small. In my head was a magazine-worthy image: the kids and I in matching aprons, noses and cheeks dusted with gentle tufts of flour. Fluffy cut-out cookies on the cooling rack, awaiting homemade frosting and sprinkles. Everyone smiling and singing along with Bing Crosby.

The harsh reality was four kids fighting over whose turn it was to stir, flour not only on our faces but on the ceiling, cupboards, the dog; me trying not to swear while wiping sweat from my forehead, and cookies that weighed approximately three pounds each after being frosted and sprinkled.

Real life doesn’t always follow the script in our heads.

Focus Center Stage

I clung to Psalm 37:4 and others (Jeremiah 29:11; Romans 8:28) after my miscarriage in 1999 and through other unexpected twists in the plot of my life. Don’t get me wrong, taking the first part of that verse literally is not a bad thing. We can and should find delight in the Lord. There is no other earthly delight that compares.

But sometimes we read Bible verses like Psalm 37:4 as a conditional promise, an “if-then” statement. We read, “IF I delight myself in the Lord, THEN he will give me whatever I desire.” If we’re not careful, this can give us a false sense of entitlement, especially those of us who are rule-followers and box-checkers.

I’ll never forget when a friend gave me this perspective on the second half of verse four:

God doesn’t give us what we want; He gives us what to want.

In other words, when our delight is in the Lord, our desire becomes for the Lord.

We are told to “seek first His kingdom” (Matthew 6:33) and He will provide for our needs. In Colossians 3:2, Paul exhorts us to set our eyes on things above, not on earthly things. The common theme of these verses is finding what we truly need in Christ.

Though I grieved the loss of that pregnancy, I continued to feast on Scripture, finding strength, courage, and beauty in God’s word and in God himself. By His grace, I was able to surrender the timing of the growth of our family into His good hands.

And by His generous grace, our son Levi was born one year later.

Rather than being caught off guard by unexpected trials, we can anticipate unexpected gifts, too. God is so sweet in the way He edits our script, allowing tweaks and twists that bring joy, not just pain. When Levi was 13 months old, we discovered God would be blessing us again with another child (our fourth). A surprising, beloved encore, if you will. His grace is more extravagant than we realize.

Remaining near to God in His word, in prayer, and by communing with fellow believers keeps our focus on our source of strength—the One who has overcome the world (the other half of John 16:33!). You’ve probably heard it said that couples who have been married for a long time begin to resemble each other. Likewise, the more time we spend with God, the more we begin to look like Him, desiring what He desires. And He knows us so intimately that He knows how to fill those desires in ways that are ultimately for our good.

Keep the main character the main character

Maybe your life has not turned out the way you thought.

Maybe it has, but the cast of characters has changed. 

Maybe the plot has been twisted into an unrecognizable shape.

Maybe you’ve discovered you are not the main character.

Is it wrong to have a rough outline of how you would like your life to go? No. Again, when we walk closely with the Lord, the desires of our hearts have most likely been placed there by His hand. Psalm 37:23-24 tells us we can trust Him with the details.

However, the tighter we hold to our expectations and our neatly laid plans, the harder it will be to adjust to the rewrite. When we think about it, who do we really want as our editor, anyway? Don't we want someone who sees the end already and knows how to move the story in that direction? The one who created the characters in the first place and knows the best way to develop them along the way?

While we all love a happy ending, the joy of a quality theatrical performance comes from watching the journey unfold, where minds are renewed, character is strengthened, and hearts are transformed. Christ gives us all of this: He died on the cross so that we could die to our own agenda, our own plans, and live for a greater purpose, one that goes beyond a happy ending. It is Christ in us, the hope of glory (Colossians 1:27), our heart’s true desire.

When we surrender the journey to Him, it may not look the way we thought. But we won’t travel it alone, and we can be assured of a happy ending (Revelation 21:3-7).